*sigh* BARNEY!!

How I Met Your Mother

Barney: Suit up!

Ted: I'm gonna do what that guy couldn't, I'm gonna take the plunge... Well, I guess that's not a perfect metaphor since... for me it's falling in love and for him it's... death.
Barney: Actually, that is a perfect metaphor.

Barney: Ted, your problem is all you do is think, think, think. I'm teaching you how to do, do, do.
Marshall: Doo-doo!
[laughs]
Barney: [chuckles] Totally.

Ted: At least someone appreciates the fact that I am doing and not thinking.
[pause]
Ted: And now, I don't think I won't not go to the bathroom.

Lily: Hey, nice shirt, Ted. Is it yesterday already?

Barney: Ted, tonight we're gonna go out. We're gonna meet some ladies, it's gonna be *legendary*. Phone-five!
[slaps cell-phone]
Barney: You didn't phone-five, did you?
[pause]
Barney: I know when you don't phone-five Ted.

Ted: You're not... Moby, are you?
Not Moby: Who?
Ted: The recording artist, Moby.
Not Moby: Oh, no.
Ted: Then why, when we said "Hey, Moby" did you come over here?
Not Moby: Oh, I thought you said Tony.
Ted: So your name's Tony?
Not Moby: No.

Marshall: A drumroll? So what? that's it? You just said good night, went home and... performed the drum solo?

Lily: [Lily sees Barney hitting on Claudia] Oh, hell. No!
[grabs Barney by the ear and yanks him away from Claudia]
Lily: Claudia is getting married tomorrow and so help me God if I catch you even so much as breathing the same air as her I will take those peanuts you're trying to pass off as testicles and I will squeeze them so hard until your eyes pop out and then I'll feed them to you like grapes.
Barney: [confused] Wait... my eyes? Or my testicles?
Lily: [pause, thinks about it] One of each!

Barney: Haaaaave you met Ted?

Barney: It's gonna be legen... wait for it... dary!

Barney: It's gonna be legend-... wait for it... and I hope you're not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is DAIRY!

Ted: So, who are we picking up?
Barney: I dunno... her? Or maybe her...
Ted: Wait, so when you said we were going to pick someone up at the airport, you meant we were going to *pick someone up* at the airport?
Barney: Yeah...
Ted: You're kidding!
Barney: False!